How many times in your Life were you told No, you’re not good enough!? No, you’ll never do that!? No, you’ll never make anything of yourself!? No, you can barely walk, how can you make an impact!? The story I’m going to tell, is about a young man, who did more in his 26 years, than most people do in a ‘full’ life.
5 years ago today, I lost my hero and the strongest person I’ve ever known, my cousin James ‘Jimmy’ Kling, or Jimbo as we called him. Jimbo spent his last days in a wheelchair, and his life with a crippling disease, Muscular Dystrophy. Not once a complaint, he would make his music, which you can still listen to, HERE and enjoy his passion!!! He always made sure you felt loved and made you laugh, a lot, in his presence. This guy had more heart, than anyone I’ve ever known. I miss him dearly. His influence is in everything I do, especially his HUGE Heart! I will carry your Strength Jimbo.
“Absolute Strength is like a water glass and the bigger the glass, the more ‘water’ or qualities, you can fit inside the glass.” – Jimbo’s glass was Gigantic.
Want to walk when someone says you can’t? Strength. Want to follow your passion, when those closest to you are in doubt? Get Stronger. Want to be faster? Get Stronger. Want to be Lean? Get Stronger. Want to run a better time in the Marathon? Get Stronger. Throw Harder? You get the idea. This means that if you want a better skill set, with less injury risk, you need the strength to carry it. You’ll also need the resolve, courage and confidence to achieve these goals. For some, this is easier than for others, as strength is not simply muscular, but emotional, psychological and spiritual, as well. Just ask Jim.
There were times when I would pick up Jim, with the help of my brother and place him in the tub, so he could wash and sometimes help with places he couldn’t reach. I’ve cut his hair and trimmed his beard, assist in getting his clothes on. It was a chore for Jim, just to do these things, trudging through monotonous tasks, that you and I take for granted. Never letting me see his struggle, I knew it embarrassed Jim, not to be able to do the things, my brother and I could. We never walked fast or hurried around Jim, when he was moving. He was always a part of our group. However, due to his ailment, he was told No, a lot. Not just by parents, but life, in general.
How would you feel, had our parents said Yes, as much as No? Do you know why parent’s say no so much? Because they like the power? No (see!) Of course you know. Essentially, it’s to keep us safe, inside the boundaries and alive. Mother Nature is less forgiving, like the mama grizzly, who grabs her cub by the scruff of the neck and disappears from sight, at the scent of an opposing male. This is a mother saying, no, to the threat and yes, to life! We know many times, it ends differently.
She is trying to protect her species, her cub. A biological mechanism, so hard-wired into her psyche, she doesn’t have time to think about another alternative, she just reacts. This is a decision she has made for her cub, based on her experiences. After a few of these altercations, the cubs become conditioned to say no. When they smell danger, over time, they are more apt to stay out of trouble, as the boundaries have been ‘set.’ Her cub now understands their place. It has the tools, intuition and strength necessary, to continue living, based on her choosing to say no. This is a good no.
Now, my last name is Bair, but I don’t poop in the woods. At least not often. It’s hard to wipe, and the leaves chafe something terrible. Nevertheless, I digress. Every moment of the grizzly’s day is not spent in fear of No! If that were the case, how would they have the Strength, Tenacity and Resilience to Survive?
Yes, I will hunt today and feast, for my families survival depends on me. Yes, I will play fight, with my brothers and sisters, as this skill will translate into success for survival. Yes, I will let my cubs jump on me, pull my tail and discover their strengths and his limits. Yes, I will roar loudly, when a threat approaches to let you know, this is my land! Yes! I will mate with this Bear, as I cannot deny my true nature, or hormones…..Yes, Yes I can bring others Joy even though I suffer an internally damming disease. Yes, I will look Death square in the face, everyday, and Live…
Most childhood programming these days consists of: No, you will get hurt. No, it’s dangerous. No, don’t put dirt in your mouth. No, Boogers are not protein. No, you may not move, you must be still. No, you cannot do that. No, you cannot eat this. No, you cannot make your own decisions and subsequently, learn from your mistakes. No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No. Ballpark, 400,000 to 100,000, no to yes ratio.
This strips kids of their natural gift to explore, engage and experience the world and replaces them with automated kid robots, who wear pillow shields and think before they feel. Kids conditioned to default to no. This is a dangerous, slippery slope. Kids are perfect the way they are. Unfazed by thoughts, they simply just feel and engage and live, Naturally. Don’t think, Feel!
I completely understand wanting your kid(s) to be safe. However, by not allowing them to build their own resolve and understand the trials and tribulations of life, are they truly safe? Will they have the emotional ability to ‘get back on the horse’, if they’ve come to rely on someone else for their emotional needs? Where will they live, if they’re just expected to know what to do and figure it out? Sorry for the cliché, but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Atleast, That’s what you’ve been told to believe, right?
Now, before you say, ‘get to the f—ing point John!’ – let me get to the point. Every apple is unique, a little different than the one next to it and some don’t just end up close to the tree, They grow into something else. For the most part, our early years are shaped by our parents thoughts. Their fears, anxieties and baggage. Eventually, you grow up, same as the bear cub. The tether of parental guidance is snipped and you are left to make decisions for yourself. You are not responsible for the fears that have been passed to you, however, you are responsible for how those fears permeate your existence. Parents aren’t perfect and it’s easier to say no. Eventually you take charge and say Yes.
Unlike the bear, you have Free Will, as Jimbo did. To feel sorry for yourself, or not. To cry, or have joy. To be strong or weak, To hunt or starve, to play or be bored, to sing or complain, to dance or sit, to love or hate, to smile or frown. Yes, March to the Beat of your own drum! Yes, go play with your friends, roll in the dirt, scrape a knee, laugh at the butterfly, sing because it feels good, dance with your friends and love with everything you are. Do not have to think about whether or not to do, what should be instinct.
The greatest gift you can give anyone, is discipline, to make their own choices and create their own strength. Only you know what feels best for you, like Jimbo. He knew his life would be cut short and he simply said No, I cannot blame others for my place in life. Yes! Yes, I can, however, decide to be the apple that falls further from the tree….and he did!
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