Why willpower doesn’t last…
You have the best of intentions, yet you just keep coming up short in regards to your health, weight loss, strength gain, muscle building (fill in the blank) …
You started going to the gym, started eating right and then, life got in the way – you fell off the wagon and you feel worse now than when you started…what the hell?
Well, you didn’t do anything wrong. You simply needed to keep going. I’ve touched on habits before and you can read that here, however, you most likely didn’t make going to the gym and eating right, a habit. Maybe you tried to use your willpower to do both at the same time…which failed you, and always will.
Some will tell you it takes 21 days to create a habit but it’s closer to 66 days, or 3 times as many days. You have something like a 90% chance of making that thing a habit if you just focus on it, not anything else. When you try to make 2 or more things a habit simultaneously, your odds of success are reduced by over half…Did you get that?
Doing 1 thing, consistently for 66 days, gives you a 90% chance of making it a habit…Do 2 or more and you risk not making anything a habit…
So what do Habits have to do with Willpower?
Willpower, for our purposes today, is that ability to summon concentration and discipline in those tough, unexpected moments where a bad reaction is…bad. You’re presented with another piece of cake at work, but you say no (for now). You’re cut off by some idiot on the highway, but you don’t rip them out of their car and beat the snot out of them (yet). Your kids are screaming in your ears and you calmly diffuse the situation (until…). All examples of extreme willpower or using your conscious thought to make the decision.
You know damn well if that cake stays there long enough, you’ll eventually eat it (I would’ve too). If that person who cut you off denies it, you’ll want to punch their face (Yep, me too). If your kids scream long enough, you’ll break down in frustration (I would duct tape their mouths shut…) You don’t have enough willpower to just ‘be in the moment and make the right choice’ every time a situation like this arises.
Think of your daily willpower/brain power as a sugar bowl. Every conscious thought is like sticking your finger in and pulling out some sugar. You can only do that so many times in a day before your bowl is empty. Habits run on a sub-conscious loop and require much less, if any, ‘sugar’ to get the task done. That’s why you can see an elite athlete, or top investor, or executive do something that is extraordinarily hard, look very easy, ordinary and routine.
That’s the difference between bad and good, good and great or great and elite…creating a system around the good habits of quality and success, requiring much less thought. They created the habit of greatness by training to be great at their respective skills, which allows them to handle these things much better and easier in the future.
“There will always be someone better looking, smarter, faster or stronger than you, but they should NEVER outwork you.” (Not sure who said this but, it applies)
Working hard is not a genetic gift, it’s a Habit you create for yourself!
What needs to happen so you react better under stress is to create a habit based off the behavior you wish to change, and then spend at least 66 days consciously developing that habit. If you’re not in the habit of going to the gym, meaning, you have to use your willpower just to get up, then you are prematurely spreading your sugar thin, instead of just getting up and going.
For the next 66 days, just get up and go to the place you train. This makes your conscious effort into a sub-conscious habit/reaction without thought or active ‘willpower’ necessary.
I once heard a quote from an old Greek or Roman philosopher “We don’t rise to level of our hopes, we fall to the level of our training.” (If you know who said this, please comment)
Training in this context, is a metaphor for life. Physical training, Mental training, Spiritual training. All require us to get out of our comfort zones in order to continue growing and living the life we all dreamed of.
If you live half-assed, train half-assed, treat people half-assed or take a half-assed approach to life, guess what happens…you fall to the level of your training, which was half-assed!!! So guess what kind of response you will get?…A half Assed one!!! You will not RISE up and be better because that’s what you think and hope…Nope, your effort will not be your best and someone will have outworked you.
Another way to look at it is – if you were getting your ass kicked (figuratively) would you search for an easier opponent or would you search for a harder opponent, the one who can really beat you up?
I used to choose the easier one. The one where I could take a break, a rest and catch up. The problem with that is, when the hell does Life ever slow down and take it easy on you? It doesn’t. So these days, even when I’m tired, exhausted and without willpower, I will choose the thing that beats me up even more. It takes conscious effort on my part, as I’m still working to make this a habit in all areas of my life. I don’t want to be mediocre and I don’t want anything or anyone to ‘take it easy.’
Constantly work with someone/something better than you. This raises you up another level or 2. And those things that used to kill your willpower actually become easier to deal with because the level of your training in those uncomfortable situations has become a habit and you no longer need Willpower to last!