I received a text from a student the other day, asking if I had some time to chat.
After getting her on the phone, she started to cry.
You see, she started coming here in February this year, after ‘stalking me’ on our Facebook page for a few months.
She wanted to make sure this was the right place for her, and that all the nice things people were saying about me online, and in their videos, was actually true.
It’s one thing to ‘get a sense’ of a person online, and a completely different story when you meet them and experience them.
I’ll admit, I’ve been let down by some people I wanted to experience, and as hard as I work to show up well, no doubt have I let some people down, because I wasn’t the right person for them.
It’s all good … different strokes.
This woman, however, liked our vibe and has lost over 60 lbs here at BKS, in a way that she is/was not accustomed too.
She struggled with self-doubt for years, while weight gain crept on after bouts with depression, bi-polar ‘ism’ and other mental health ‘stuff’.
And then there is the issue of feeling confident enough in skin, to make yourself vulnerable and open up to a potential mate … aka: dating ;-/
That’s where her text comes in.
This woman had a date … thought it went well … and then …. <crickets> … I’m sure you can figure out the rest.
It made her upset and ignited an emotional trigger.
She ‘swore she would never let anyone make her question herself again’.
Yet here she was … teetering on the precipice of falling back into ‘her old pattern’ of emotional eating to feel good … temporarily … by enjoying a ‘rage milkshake’ with her friend.
The thing is … she texted me before ‘doing anymore damage’.
She wanted to know if the changes she has made were real, or was she fooling herself for being so easily ready to go back to what she knew by self-sabotaging herself?
First, I thanked her for sharing, because that stuff is tough to be aware of, let alone letting anyone else in on it …
She ‘feels accountable to me’ and didn’t want to ‘hide it’ from her training progress.
I do not, nor will I ever, take that trust lightly.
So, we broke it down.
Long story short …
She went back to what she knew because it was safe and comfortable in a time of stress …
When sh*t hits the fan, we all fall to our sub-conscious patterning, we do not rise to conscious awareness.
It’s hard to believe you can achieve and maintain something that you’ve never done before, because you have no evidence to support that YOU, can actually do it.
You tell yourself “maybe someone else can, but I haven’t … it’s hard, or impossible … so, why try”?
Those beliefs influence how you think (pessimist/optimist).
That thinking produces certain feelings (good/bad).
Those feelings fuel the actions you take (proactive/procrastinate).
Which determines the results you get (reach the goal/don’t reach the goal).
All of this is supported by the evidence you got/have/received as a kid about how to operate in this world.
Had she undone all her hard work?
No, she had a freaking milkshake … and just needed to find new, BETTER evidence, to support a new belief, that she can maintain her hard work and even keep improving.
That evidence … her new, BETTER belief … will be now supported.
Her thinking about her new belief will improve.
Which will make her feel better.
Allowing her to take better actions, more aligned with her new belief.
Ending with the result of her being able to maintain and even improve her goals for the long haul 🙂
So, to wrap all this up in a tidy package … how do you stop self-sabotaging?
Easy … find the evidence you need to support a new belief, and your results will be automatic 😉
And if you can’t find that evidence, I’m happy to turn over some rocks with you, like we did for my student here.
Be Well – John
Changing the way Life is done.
Mindset. Fitness. Nutrition.
P.S. Here are 4 more ways you can become happier and healthier:
1. Podcasts
Some of the greatest insights and healing for me, have come from listening to podcasts in the last few years. This long-form type of communication, I’ve found, has been extremely important for understanding context, while learning how to make sustainable change.
That’s why I have started to find ways to get our story on some podcasts, and give you an opportunity to really go deep with us, and see what we’re all about. That way, you can decide if this tribe fits your personality. Click the link below to go to our podcast page, where you can find all our episodes!
2. Rise
Rise is the story of ‘never feeling powerful … to … never feeling powerless’. It’s about John Bair’s life, why he does what he does and how his suffering created happiness.
This handwritten book takes you through an intimate, yet, self-revealing journey, which allows you to implant yourself into the story, as it relates to your own, and reveal the steps you’ll need to take, in order to make change a successful reality.
Available in DIGITAL, AUDIO, BOOK
Click Here To Get Your FREE Copy
3. Join our BADASS Community on Facebook
We want to work with and be around as many BADASS people as possible. Folks who might forget how BADASS they are and just need the space to remember.
So, we started a FREE group on Facebook called BADASS, which is our own private community where we go deeper into what we do at Bair Knuckle Strength.
The truth is, it makes the world a happier, safer, more enjoyable place when you love your BADASS self.
If you’re ready to see what we do, just CLICK HERE!
4. Fitness Scorecard
Have you gone through the Fitness Scorecard yet?
Confused where to start, or what to do next with your health and fitness journey?
Well, step 1 is to understand where you currently score across the 8 Fitness Indicators.
Start your journey toward your personal fitness breakthrough by completing your Fitness Scorecard Today: CLICK HERE